he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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