she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize