He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
