No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I could make wine with my vomit
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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