It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
