also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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