yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
