Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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