If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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