dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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