haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
