booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
