I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize