I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize