She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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