a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
