what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
