Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
