We're facebook friends in real life
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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