last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
