I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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