I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
