thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was like getting head from an anaconda
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize