; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Screwed.edu
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I could make wine with my vomit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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