her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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