Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize