Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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