all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
