mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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