I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
