turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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