can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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