Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
