if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
