If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
