fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
