You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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