marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
