i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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