He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
