i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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