I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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