i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
