Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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