oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
