hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
