just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
