oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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