Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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