FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
