my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
