So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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