you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
