After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
