worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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