I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
