Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sober January is a disaster.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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