I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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