I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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