So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
