You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
