i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize