just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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