So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I met the friendliest cop last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize