All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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