I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there's paper in my vomit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
