then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
