I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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