I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
