Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
