I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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